Intro
All my life I was interested in spiritual development and have walked and explored many paths - some briefly, others more extensively. I have read numerous books on spirituality and personal development, often longing to share in the experiences of the authors - those mystics and seekers of truth who enjoyed such beautiful, enlightening experiences, or who were filled with the love and spirit of God. Think, for instance, of the 13th-century Persian poet and Sufi mystic Jalal ad-Din Rumi. Or writers who described extensive, profound, and illuminating conversations with their spiritual guides. I think also of Jiddu Krishnamurti.That was what I, too, wanted to achieve and experience.Inner knowing
My own inner experiences were different, so different that I never found them reflected in a book. They were fleeting and occurred only sporadically. Only now, in the third phase of my life, do I realize the value of my own experiences and understand that I have received many inner lessons. To me, this is what self-realization entails: the realization that your inner experiences are unique to you as both a person and a soul.Self-realization
It was the realization that I need not strive for the experiences of others, but that my own inner knowing is just as valuable. Only then did I recognize the spiritual guidance I had always received but never identified as such. For me, these were very simple, uncomplicated inner prompts, and they came only rarely. A few examples: I heard an inner voice when thinking of Sri Harold, former leader of Eckankar, that said, "He is not your friend." Or an inner voice while walking through my student house, "That gentleman has something for you" prompting me to make contact with that person. He turned out to be a highly experienced anthroposophical teacher. We had frequently contact for a number of years and I learned a lot. Or the voice saying, "You will not fail," when I was around sixty and felt inwardly stuck, believing I had squandered my chances for spiritual freedom. Looking back, these experiences seem tailor-made for me. These souls or spiritual beings, that guided me, understood perfectly well that I needed very little to find the right path. Somehow, they were also able to look years into the future.
